Here were are in the summer holidays once again and the computers are taking over the world.

Aspie lad is definately a teenager now, sleeping in until after midday most days. I don’t really mind but he is going to have a hard time getting up when school goes back!

I don’t do holidays very well. I like some alone time but not days on end. I struggle to fill my time with things to do. Have done some painting and creative stuff.

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37 things that make me who I am today

On my way to writing 101 things….thought I would share what I have so far….


  1. Growing up as the middle child, an older sister and younger brother and sister. It felt like everyone else was special in some way, oldest, youngest, only boy, but I was just me.

  2. My tenacity and ability to hold on through the most difficult of times and circumstances

  3. Leaving home at 17 an staying in refuges and on friends couches. Left me with an understanding of the young and homeless kids I ended up working with.

  4. Growing up with pets, particuarly a cavalier king charles spaniel, left me with the desire to own one one day (expect Zander is allergic).

  5. My surprise package Zander man. Although he was unexpected he is one of the best things in my life.

  6. Loving English in school, hating maths

  7. My English teacher Mrs Zambelli who noticed my skills and made me expand them. When I finished a term long book project in one week she made me pick another book to do. When I questioned why, when none of the other kids had to, she said “because you can”. She was right.

  8. My experience of depression

  9. My experience of bi polar

  10. My experience of Dissociative Identity Disorder

  11. Being in a psychiatric ward for a couple of weeks

  12. My parents promising I could go on the ski trip in Year 6 and then reneging on the promise. I didn’t talk to them for three months and then mum offered to get me a kitten for my birthday, finally I relented. Never let it be said I am not stubborn.

  13. Lying on a fold out bed in the living room (we had relatives staying and they were sleeping in my bed) next to the Christmas tree with the lights on, gently flashing. I think this is when I truly developed my love of Christmas tree lights and Christmas

  14. Having mice as pets when I was little. Learning the lesson that if you make a grass house for your mouse and then leave them there when you go inside they don’t stay in their house.

  15. Going down to the coast many weekends as a small child. Playing with my older sister, going and hiding inside a shrubbry that was sort of hollow on the inside. Going to the shops at the caravan park and buying 10 cent bags of lollies. Developing a love of the beach.

  16. My younger sister being severely burnt by boiling water at the age of 18 months. Many months spent in hospital, mum gone a lot of the time, learnt to be more independent and how to help look after her when she came home.

  17. Celebrating Christmas at my grandmothers house as a small child, having a chair load of gifts, knowing the feeling of being truly spoiled.


  1. Going to Bondi beach with my parents every summer as a kid. Going out in the waves with dad, knowing that he was big and strong and would look after us. Talking to dad about this years later and he admits he can’t even swim that well. Laughing about how we didn’t all drown.

  2. My parents separation and eventual divorce when I was 12 years old.

  3. My mother meeting her new partner, a woman who was only 7 years older than me.

  4. My dad remarrying my step-mother when I was 15. They eventually divorced when I was 20 after she had a child to another man. No one knew that it was not dad’s child until after she was born so it was a shock to us all.

  5. My best friend as a kid Jackie. We had such good times together and lived in each others pockets. We did all those weird things you do at the age of 13 like going to the mall and hanging out.

  6. My best friend in high school Jenny. I spent nearly every weekend at her place. We lost touch after an argument when we were in our twenties, which I regret but have made my peace with.

  7. My best friend now, Amy. She is my touch stone and my lucky penny. I talk to her about everything and she listens every time I need to moan about something.

  8. My Nanna dying of cancer when I was 22 years old. Through the time I spent with her I learnt that my grandfather (who died when I was three) was a very violent man who had beaten her. It was a huge insight into her life and also into my dad and his life growing up.

  9. My poochie party (poochie was a big pink dog with fluffy pink ears) when I was nine. My dad yelled at me in front of all of my friends and I went and hid in the bathroom. Mum had to come and try to talk me out.

  10. Cutting myself so badly I had to go to the hospital where I was sent to the psych ward. I remember hearing one of the nurses (then lots of nuns) saying “no I won’t go to her, she is a sinner”. Just what you need when you are young and vulnerable

  11. The number of friends who came to see me the first time I landed in the psych ward. It restored some of my faith.

  12. Applying to and getting in to uni in 1995 to study communications and professional writing.

  13. Reading Enid Blyton and Roald Dahl books over and over when I was growing up

  14. Music, so many different types of music

  15. Going to the Pearl Jam concert in 1996. It made me realise I loved Pearl Jam but hated mosh pits

  16. Going to the Pink concert in 2010. Realising that although I love Pink and she is an amazing performer I really really hate crowds.




  1. Being four years old and having an over active imagination. Burst into tears in preschool and when a teacher asked what was wrong I said “ what if my house burnt down with my whole family in it and all that was left was my dog?” Anxious child much??

  2. My horrible mean kindy teacher Mrs Bruzga who made me cry so much they took me to my sisters class where I flourished so they moved me up a grade to super K where the teacher was the very lovely Mr Thompson

  3. Buying and wearing coloured jeans. Moved me out of my black phase

  4. Being a goth for part of my misspent youth. That black and red lipstick mixed so well to a nice looking blood colour

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I am going to Ramas for dinner tonight. SQUUEEEEE. That is all.

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Speeding towards the goals

So here is my weekly blog about how I am going working towards my goals. As you can see this week is titled “speeding” cause I have been doing so many things!!

  1. Live life, get out and do things, experience life

This week I arranged to go and see the bell shakespeare company production of Macbeth in May, SQUEEEEE. The Man and I also went out to the movies and saw Darkest Hour, and I have booked for The Man and I to go away in November to a B&B for a weekend SQUEE again!

I had lots of friend things this week too. I went over to Jackie’s place and helped out cleaning her bedroom and chatting, then Cass came over Wednesday night for dinner. Thursday night was tea and dinner with Nic and then Saturday afternoon was board games with friends.

2. Get healthy, lose 20 kilos and stay quit from smoking

I have stayed quit from smoking YAY. And not so many cravings now. I have also devised a ‘Nicci friendly’ eating plan and have put it into practice, so far it is working really well and my sugars are way down. Hurrah. I also went for a walk this week with sneakers and ipod and all. Need to build up the exercise but at the moment I get sore from a little bit. I have also been to my OA meeting 🙂 I also asked someone to be my sponsor in OA and for someone else to share food plans with me and they both said yes! Yay!

3. Streamline, organise, sort out the house

I have slowed down on this one, but I did go through the books I am giving to lifeline and box up the ones for my counselling library and I also bagged up the spare clothes and doona covers after I cleaned out the linen press to take to Vinnies. I also rang ACT carers to find out if I could get some help in sorting out my garden and I am getting a gardener to come out and do a quote! YAY. Might also also if they do rubbish removal and get rid of the old furniture. Woot.

4. Write my story

I have started brainstorming for three different stories, one about food addiction, one about growing up with a adult with mental illness and one just my story, the last two may get merged.

5. Spend more time with the Aspie lad – teach him

This week Aspie lad has been at his grandies but we did hang out a lot on Monday before he went and on the weekend before. We mainly just watched movies together and I gave him lots of hugs but this is still all part of what I want to do 🙂

6. Work on my counselling diploma

I wrote an entire last assessment piece for my extra unit on childhood development and sent it off. I also sent lots of emails and sent off a pack to see if I can get recognised prior learning so I don’t have to attend the seminars. I also got them to send me out the catch up pack for unit 4 as I never did the change over as required a few years ago by the government.

7. Rediscover spirituality

I have been thinking on this one and have come up with my own unique concept of the ‘Nonni’ journal. I was thinking about how I see my higher power, my concept of the universe or God and what I came up with was something that is older and wiser than me and has both masculine and feminine energies. This made me think of grandparents and Nonni is italian for grandparents. And so the Nonni journal was born. I can write in it when I am seeking guidance or when I am expressing gratitude.

All up I am quite proud of all these things I have achieved this week. Woot.


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How have I worked towards my goals thus far

Last night I decided that it might be a good plan to write a blog once a week that is dedicated to writing about how I have been working towards my goals, so that I can look back and reflect and feel that I am moving forward, even if the steps are teeny ones. Seeing as I have had a few weeks go by since I wrote my goals I thought I might post as to how I have been going thus far.

I guess it would be a good idea to share what my goals are for this year:

  1. Live life, get out and do things, experience life
  2. Get healthy, lose 20 kilos, stay quit from smoking
  3. Streamline, organise, sort out the house
  4. Write my story
  5. Spend more time with the Aspie lad – teach him
  6. Work on my counselling diploma
  7. Rediscover spirituality

So what have I done so far: I figure it’s easier to address these one by one!

1. I have made plans with my best friend to go for a kid-free weekend at the seaside in a few weeks, I have booked theatre tickets to see play of Pride and Prejudice in March, I have gone out and visited friends, I have gotten out to the pool a few times. I have also contacted Carers ACT and enquired about outings and acquired a free ticket to go to the Canberra Show this year. I have also been researching into places and events in Canberra over the year that I might go to. Would really appreciate the heads up from any friends about things that are on through the year, especially any free things 🙂

2. Sunday just gone I have one month of no smoking. I have also gone to my OA meetings over the last three weeks and I have been writing a food plan and keeping a food jounral. Over the last three weeks I have also gone on a couple of walks and gone swimming a few times, trying to increase the exercise. Have also been doing what I can to eat healthy and stick to the FODMAPS diet.

3. Since writing my goals about organising the house I have done a few things. One I am happiest about was make a flyer and try to find out who had catnapped Luna. This came under this category as I had to find a few things like puters and printers etc to make it all happen. Thanksfully we now have Luna back home! Yay. I have also cleared out my book collection and my dvd collection and the gone through the linen press and also gone through Aspie Lad’s clothes, dvds and books. I listed a few things to sell, sold a few things which is good. There is much more work to be done, but hopefully it will get there, and I have all year.

4, I have yet to start on this but I have been thinking about which story I want to write and how I need to do a brainstorm with ideas.

5. I have been spending a bit more time with the Aspie Lad, taking him swimming and to visit friends. I have not been doing so much teaching, but we have been talking more and having fun together and this is enough for now. I did talk to him about cooking and making homemade chicken nuggets 🙂

6. I have not made a start on this goal yet, but it is not going anywhere. I do feel I need to make a start on this one, so might focus on this a bit over the next week.

7. I have thought about the concept of “god” and how I don’t really think of my higher power as “God” but I didn’t really have a name for it. So, I thought about it for awhile and I realised that I think of my guiding force as being both a masculine and feminine energy and of being older than me, kind of like a grandparent who guides and nutures you. I also figured out that I don’t like the concept of praying out loud, it seems weird, as so I did some research and found the term “Nonni” which is the plural of grandparents in (I think Italian?), and so was born the concept of the Nonni book. A new jounral in which I write my prayers. I also still have my universe box, where I write my prayers. I guess we can now call it the Nonni box 🙂

So all up there have been some pretty decent leaps and bounds towards getting started on my goals, not too shabby for being three weeks into the new year 🙂

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So today I bribed Aspie Lad to come with me to shops to look for new shoes by telling him I would buy him a sausage muffin for brekky. I am not above stooping to bribery to get things done. So, we drive off to the mall, get a park really close to the doors and head on in. And as we are walking along, what is in front of us, but a new shop. A lolly shop. The kind where you get a little container and a teeny shovel thing and go round all the big plastic containers of different types of lollies and get a bit of each one you like. And before I could stop her, my inner little girl squealed with joy “LOOK! A Lolly Shop!!” And Aspie Lad began dragging me over there. All of a sudden my wise inner adult self went, hang on and I steered him in the direction of shoes saying “We’ll go on the way back out”.

Now I should add here that I grew up in a house where food was always an issue. weird mother who didn’t let us have a variety of things becaue we were too fat, or alternatively bought us McDonalds cause she had meetings, so as we all know I have mega issues with food. But as a kid my mum would have never let me have get lollies from a lolly shop like this, so as soon as I had my own money as a teenager I used to get my own stuff and I remember there being a lolly shop in civic that was like this one we saw today. So, there we were in Belconnen and my inner little girl was still going “LOLLY SHOP! SQUEEEEEE” and my inner wise adult self was going ” Hello?? Diabetic much??” and so the debate was on.

In the meantime we went to the shoe shop and Aspie Lad saw some adult size green shoes that he decided were dinosaur shoes and he wanted dinosaur shoes (said shoes were $290 a pair so even if they had kid sizes it wasn’t gunna happen) so had to explain this to him and he proceeded to began a bit of a meltdown, which I cleverly averted by saying “well if we buy dinosaur shoes I have nothing left for a sausage muffin” (god bless you sometimes McDonalds) and he recovered his ability to function ok. So we got shoes, and we got the sausage muffin and then we were heading back to the car….past the lolly shop….and he started dragging me there again and I was thinking yes, no, yes, no and then I thought, well I have never taken him to a lolly shop like this before and we don’t have to get heaps of lollies and so YES…inner little girl won and we did the lolly shop SQUUUUEEEEEEE! We both got a little bag of lollies (I got some special ones just for The Man so I could share with him) and I realised that by allowing my son to have little moments like this where lollies are allowed sometimes I am hopefully raising an adult where lollies won’t seem like some precious commodity to be craved and wanted all the time. AND just one more time for good meaure….LOLLY SHOP! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

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So here we are at the start of 2012 and in the middle of the summer holidays. Goals have been set and resolutions made and so far there have been baby steps towards them. Some of the things I am happy about are: getting ali baba and wok it up as take out dinners, not horrible fast food tasteless drive through foods. Going for an actual walk for half an hour with the ipod, early in the morning so it was cool enough to do it without passing out. Little things to start, but hey, I am lapping those who are still sitting on the couch eating delivered pizza 🙂

I am struggling at the moment to get Aspie Lad interested in much other than playing computer or watching television or movies. I have been successful in bribing him to accompany me in some little outings to the shops and I have taken him to visit friends a few times, and I think twice so far he has actually played games with me, but it is a continual struggle to engage him in anything else. I don’t think it helps that as soon as it is over 25 degrees outside neither of us really wants to go out there and we both just wanna hide in a darkened air conditioned room. Summer time lovers we definately aint. It is hard work though when your body is not able to temperature regulate (something we are both blessed with).

Funny story to wrap up the blog, so far Aspie Lad seems to showing a preference for dance, techo, trance type music, which is just fine by me. He wanted to listen to “born this way” by lady gaga the other day in the car and I asked him, so why do you like this song and he told me it was cause it was good and it was about having autism!! I thought this was actually kind of cool and when you consider the lyrics you can sort of see it:

“There’s nothing wrong with loving who you are”
She said, “‘Cause he made you perfect, babe”
“So hold your head up girl and you’ll go far,
Listen to me when I say”

I’m beautiful in my way
‘Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don’t hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Oh there ain’t no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Oh there ain’t no other way
Baby I was born this way
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

He makes me smile. I am glad he can find something positive to dance to 🙂

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